General Life!
The space where I rant, rave, and loose my marbles about life. And maybe some good things too, maybe even some notions (aka emotions).
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The space where I rant, rave, and loose my marbles about life. And maybe some good things too, maybe even some notions (aka emotions).
I've been listening to the album 'Open This Wall' by berlioz while working on a major uni assignment. The album is mostly jazz mixed with electronic elements (really a wonderful mixing of genres) and repetitive. I've found the assignment really hard, my experience with secondary school has left lasting trauma that affect my ability to get univeristy work done. Every time I started trying to work on it I could work for maybe ten minutes before I would just...stop. I would hit a wall and the anxiety would rise and I would be too on edge to do anything.
My favourite song on this album is the title track 'Open This Wall'. It's main repeat comes from this interview by PBS Detroit with jazz singer Nancy Wilson where she says:
"I am, and I am wonderful, and I know that there's this supreme power that gives me the ability to be everything if I just allow it to happen. It's about not going against the grain, it's about not banging your head against a wall that will not come down. It's about saying 'open this wall for me please'."
(I highly reccomend that you watch the interview (skip to 21:24) and listen to her full response.)
Her words have helped me so much in this moment. I am, and so I do not bang my head against this wall that will not come down. I take a deep breath and reach inside myself to the Spirit and breathe
"Open this wall for me please"
And so the wall opens just a little, and I can move just a litte. And when the wall rises I ask again
"Open this wall for me please"
"Open this wall for me please"
(P.S a jazz song alone has not fixed my issues, but through breathing and waiting for something else to open the wall it has just a little. Concepts like stress tolerance as well as an understanding of why I react the way I do learned through therapy has been immensley helpful.)