General Life!
The space where I rant, rave, and loose my marbles about life. And maybe some good things too, maybe even some notions (aka emotions).
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The space where I rant, rave, and loose my marbles about life. And maybe some good things too, maybe even some notions (aka emotions).
This blog post contains my thoughts after reading The Magic of an Irish Rainforest by Eoghan Daltun. Like many people (notably a different Eoghan, Eoin Reardon ) I've gained an increasingly complicated relationship with the Irish landscape as I've grown older, or as Eoghan put's it, "ecologically literate". What I once loved, felt a real connection to and joy from, now feels desolate and like a betrayl. I don't feel at home anymore among the endless sprawl of pine plantations, just a sadness for the land I love.
I don't feel sadness in a nationalistic way. Like Esterhaven in "The Left Hand of Darkness" I love the land, not the nation. Even now I still love it as it is because it is where I have lived and grown, where I have fled to for comfort and celebrated with over freedom. But I do feel uncosolable these days when I stare at the endless sprawl of pine and realise that we are destroying ourselves through our own doing for a system that we made up. I think of the few patches of native woodland I've been in during my life. I think of my favourite part of Ireland, the Ivreagh Penninsula (featured in the book) and how wonderful it feels to be there. I think of the cherry laurel I never knew was invaise, I think of the wolves we lost to colonisation and the species we don't reintroduce because farmers cannot afford to have their livestock killed today even if it means they will starve tomorrow. I still find peace in nature, a kind of oneness that is the polar opposite to what I fell when I'm in town, but any admiration of it is mixed with this utter devastation at what it feels like the whole island is doing as one.
I mentioned in my review of the book that it's an uplifting call to action, and it really is. I've been waiting for a very long time to be able to begin volunteering in some way, and I've flip flopped many many times between how I want to spend my time. But Eoghan's book really drove home to me both how much I care about nature, and the utter death spiral we find ourselves in. When I feel stuck in the spiral and like there's no escape, I often turn to the internet and find the 'volunteer' page of as many environmental organisations as I can. it does help, and it means that I have easily a dozen groups to pick from. I want to carry this book with me as a reminder that I love this land, and that I want it to flourish to its fullest for its own sake. It reminds me as well of the wider network of people who are campainging and taking action at the same time. I've spent most of my youth going on marches, many for the climate, to what feels like little avail. But as I've learned over the past few months any movement benefits from having both campaingers and people taking action, and that while I'm too tired to fight anymore I can still do something that feels worthwhile.
I don't go on social media much these days- and don't spend much time on it when I do- but I've had this long standing gripe I've been reminding of recently with the way the term 'simple living' is used. If you search for it on any major platform (especially short form and text/image based platforms) you get results essentially synoymous with 'cottagecore' with a dash of tradwife traditionalism thrown in for good luck. It is focused on pictures of pretty flowing dressing, washing lines, fields, baking, etc. All of it in sunny weather, most of it aggressively white east-coast America dressed up as the English countryside, and the whole thing based on looks on images, appearances, beauty and aesthetics. There is no philosophy, not actual messages about modern day consumer culture, hell there's barely anything about how to live the idealised life presented.
I know, suprise, suprise, the Quaker has opinions on simplicity but to me it's an important point. A term that is in it's history radical and a rejection of so much of the way we live (and die) today has been turned into images with nothing behind them at best and a futhering of consumerism at worst. (Think of all the items from fast fashion brands or amazon that come up when you search the term 'cottagecore') Simplicity is hard, it is near continually at odds with the demands of the modern world and culture, enacting it takes a lot of noticing and a lot of change. But I really do believe it is a philosophy so relevant to today, it's a road to liberation and to salvation from climate collapse. I cannot stress enough that there is centuries and world spanning thinking behind the idea of living simply. It is a road to change and a road to joy.
Given the lack of visibility online, shoudl I give a rundown of simple living? I use the term simplicity interchangeably because it is intertwined for me with the Quaker testimony of it, but you find it in Mennonites and Catholics and Buddhists and Jaines. The image that comes to mind for me is just a 17th century engraving of George Fox but ironically that image has very little to do with how simplicity operates in my life today. For me the primary goal or thought of simple living is being happy with less. Less objects, money, square footage in your house, ice creams cones after dinner. It can also be about taking great joy in small aspects of life, like nature and family or daily routine, or ice cream cones after dinner (a bit contradictory perhaps, stay with me). It means different things in everyone's lives because our circumstances and culture are so varied; but here in Ireland, in my life, it means buying a lot less clothes, purposefully avoiding accruing more items, giving my money freely to charity and friends, being at peace with the idea of living without wealth, using free services like the library instead of buying something for myself to have. It is very tied in with the rejection of capitalism and cosumerism, and also the goal of holding items in common from housing to books. I don't think we are here to forever chace promotions and large houses with more room than we know what to do with. It's about rejection ceremony or pretention too. I don't want a 'good' living room for guests or 'good' plates, I just want to be as I am, each day its own being. It's also about dreaming of labour! Yes, you heard me, I do dream of work! (For those not in the know something quoted often is a line about not having a dream job because you do not dream of labour). I dream of work that makes me happy, that benefits those around me. Work that isn't for the enrichment of one person in a made up system of money but work that enriches human lives and minds in the real world of art, ideas, and physical safety. Quakers didn't invent this of course, I take lessons from all over the place and would encourage you to do too. There is no one perfect vision after all.
I hope from that short description you can see why I'm annoyed by the obbsession with appearances that is shown online with the term 'simple living' tacked on. If you read the blog post below you'll realise i'm not magically gifted in this, but from this blog post I hope you'll realise I am passionate about it. I hope too that you might become curious, and follow that curiousity into knowledge. There's a wealth of meaning behind this term, despite the dearth of discussion online.
I've bought all but three of four items of clothing seconhand since I was 13, and in recent years I have slowed my rate of purchasing to a near (if not often) total halt. The result of this is that in any given week, I cycle through the same shirts, bandanas, and trousers. I dress ,indeed, much like a cartoon character. You could probably pick me out of a lineup using my clothes alone.
I won't sit here and pretend like I magically don't feel the pressure to have more clothes, to always be more interesting and new, to look like I have a lot of stuff, to exhibit wealth and overconsumption. But as time has gone on, I've felt increasingly comfortable with the size of my wardrobe. In theory, I would like maybe one or two more tops to wear and maybe more than one pair of shorts. But the reality is that I have probably 8 or 9 shirts, more than enough to get through the week and wash my clothes. (The shorts is a different matter I do almost definetly need another pair but given the state of Ireland they're an uncommon beast secondhand.) What I actually want is something along the lines of variety, or more interesting clothes.
The urge I have been raised to have is to want to therefore go out and buy more clothes. But the reality is that I can linoprint and use fabric paint or bleach and create interesting clothes for myself. And as time has gone on, and I have been stuck between refusing to buy more clothes I don't need, and wanting something more interesting, my behaviour and thinking has changed. I've embraced the idea of modern Plain Dress much more (albeit the biggest difference being I wear less jewlery, a choice also compunded by chronic illness and fatigue) as well as ideas like solarpunk and a significantly stronger DIY ethic. The main thing now is that I just need to choose what to put on those shirts and do it. Although as well, the shirts interest me less so I wear them less, a sign that I should definetly just make that choice and put something on a shirt.
There's no easy conclusion to this post, mostly just that I'm thinking about what to linoprint or paint, but writing this did help me remember that I fully have the capacity to make my own interesting clothes out of what I already have.
I've been listening to the album 'Open This Wall' by berlioz while working on a major uni assignment. The album is mostly jazz mixed with electronic elements (really a wonderful mixing of genres) and repetitive. I've found the assignment really hard, my experience with secondary school has left lasting trauma that affect my ability to get univeristy work done. Every time I started trying to work on it I could work for maybe ten minutes before I would just...stop. I would hit a wall and the anxiety would rise and I would be too on edge to do anything.
My favourite song on this album is the title track 'Open This Wall'. It's main repeat comes from this interview by PBS Detroit with jazz singer Nancy Wilson where she says:
"I am, and I am wonderful, and I know that there's this supreme power that gives me the ability to be everything if I just allow it to happen. It's about not going against the grain, it's about not banging your head against a wall that will not come down. It's about saying 'open this wall for me please'."
(I highly reccomend that you watch the interview (skip to 21:24) and listen to her full response.)
Her words have helped me so much in this moment. I am, and so I do not bang my head against this wall that will not come down. I take a deep breath and reach inside myself to the Spirit and breathe
"Open this wall for me please"
And so the wall opens just a little, and I can move just a litte. And when the wall rises I ask again
"Open this wall for me please"
"Open this wall for me please"
(P.S a jazz song alone has not fixed my issues, but through breathing and waiting for something else to open the wall it has just a little. Concepts like stress tolerance as well as an understanding of why I react the way I do learned through therapy has been immensley helpful.)